


Ignorance

by scatteredlettuce



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And Castiel's like oh gosh darn how could this happen to me, Anyway to sum up the story using tagssss, Cas loves Dean. Doesn't know it, Dean's like nooo, I'VE MADE MY MISTAKES, Im joking Dean has other friends..., M/M, Pining Castiel but he doesn't even know, Pining Dean but he's too much of an ass to admit it to himself, Probably not im sorry for wasting your time, Sam is a Little Shit, Sam's like yesss, Slightly ofc Dean, do you get it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 12:10:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8013226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteredlettuce/pseuds/scatteredlettuce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been ignoring his feelings for Dean..without actually realizing it.</p>
<p>(this takes place when Cas is human and is getting really frustrated with feelings)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ignorance

**Author's Note:**

> "Dean, you are well aware of the fact I am going to kiss you right?"

    It all felt like a realization, like seeing color for the first time, but it was already there. Or for some reason, having boiling water splash on you and it just happens. The nerves on your arm are hit with the pain but your brain has to process it. The spot thats hit sends a "little message" through the body and up to the brain, informing you that you've just been hurt. Realizing that, your immediate response is to either get help, if its a rather big burn or cut or anything big for that matter. The other option is standing there for a second saying,

"God damn it, mother fucker, ugh, ow, ow, ow, ow."

And after that small line of curse words you start to fling your arm in the air to cool it down, a freezer works too.

If you understand, it felt like that.

 

    It was a cold winter night in the bunker, Sam had gone out to get supplies while myself and Dean stayed inside. I waddled over to fridge and opened the door, since I was human it was now necessary to eat but not all the time of course, only when you're hungry. Which I was..hunger is a strange feeling. I grabbed an apple those had rather been a nice snack to enjoy and apparently it keeps the doctor away or at least I've been told it does from Sam. I walked back to my room and settled under the covers, grabbing the apple back from my bedside table. I shivered even though I was under two heavy blankets but then again heating hadn't been a necessity in the bunker until now I suppose. I bit into the apple, shuddering again. I had been sitting upright in bed accompanied by my own thoughts and my apple. I gazed around my room as I added a bite into the now browning apple, my eyes felt heavy but I don't want to sleep. I bolt to my feet,  _no Castiel, no sleeping._ Sometimes my thoughts were rude to me and well, I didn't to sleep anymore because of them. I wonder if Dean had rude and horrifying thoughts at night but I still don't understand why it's only while sleeping I have these..projections. 

Pulling a blanket with me and wrapping it snuggly around myself I walked to the kitchen again, flicking the apple core into the trash. I looked around the kitchen and continued walking, I was still trying to get accustomed to the bunker but it was weird feeling the cold tile under my bare feet. I walked silently across the hallway, stopping before Dean's door. My clenched hand hovered over the top-middle of the door. I took a deep breath and knocked. I waited a few seconds and heard some shuffling and loud crash. I immediately opened the door to see Dean on the floor with pajama bottoms half way up his thigh, boxers on of course. He looked at me red-faced, he apparently slipped on the long fabric at the end of the loose pants and well, fell. It wasn't hard to understand that without him saying anything. I shivered under the blanket I was holding to myself. Dean pulled the rest of the bottoms up and stood up, he was about four feet away from me and for some reason my brain was telling me to move closer.

"Heh, sorry you had to see that Cas. Is everything good? Did you need anything?" Dean did the "moving closer" for me. Three feet. Two feet. One foot. 

I was unable to answer, my face felt hot and suddenly, I didn't need the blanket anymore. My words caught in my throat and I shivered again but not from the coldness.  _Oh goodness, what the heck is this feeling? Why can't I do anything._ Dean looked at me weirdly,  _Say something you bimbo!!_ My words stuttered out, "O-Oh I uhh, I was j-just wondering i-if..I um. You know, I forgot." I cocked my head to the side after I finished saying my embarrassing piece. The hands that were clutching the blanket relaxed and I felt the warm, heavy cloth slide down my back and legs, pooling at my feet. Dean gave me another puzzling look.

"Are you sure you're okay Cas, you're not feeling sick right?" He brought his chin to my forehead, I could practically hear my heart pound. _What the hell is happening_. I had never felt anything like this. "Gee! Your head feels pretty damn warm for a place this cold." Dean moved his hands to my shoulders, pursing his lips. "I'll call Sam and ask him to bring over cold medicine,"

"T-That won't be necessary Dean, I feel fine." My face was still flushed.

"Doesn't look or feel that way, don't argue Cas. You've never been sick before, let the master handle this." Dean picked up the phone and started dialing Sam's number, after a few rings Sam picked up.

I could hear Sam's faint voice on the other line.

"Hiya Sam, I think Cas came down with something. Could you go pick up some medicine?" Dean paused when he waited for response, although I couldn't hear it, what Sam had said back had Dean saying a hushed, "Shut up Sam!!" into the phone. I watched as his cheeks tinted a small pink and he suddenly became very interested in his feet. I could now hear Sam's laughter through the phone, "Just get the god damn medicine you twerp." Dean let out an angry huff and forcefully pressed the "end call" button. 

I looked at him expectantly, "What was that about?" I let out a small chuckle. Dean looked up from his phone and put it on the table.

"S'nothing, Sam's just being a little shit." Dean nervously laughed. His eyes flashed with amusement for a second, "Do you wanna watch a movie?"

"Movie? I've heard of these..those little projections on screen portraying a book or something like that."

"Yup, so is that a yes?"

"I suppose," I shook my head yes while I finished my sentence. "Where will we be commencing the movie watching?"

"My room, if thats okay with you." I looked back at Dean's medium t.v. 

"Yes, that'll be quite alright. Although I need to get somethings first." Dean nodded as I stepped over the blanket and down the hall to my room. I grabbed the other blanket and the one pillow I had and dragged them all back to Dean's room. I plopped them in-front of his bed, "Ohp! One more thing." I hurried down the hall to shut off my bedroom light and made my way to the kitchen. I looked at the cabinets, stopping when one caught my eye. I opened the small door and my eyes shot to the thing I'd been looking for. Popcorn. I read the directions and put it in the microwave. The picture on the back showed an ear close to the microwave, my eyebrows furrowed as I bent down and pressed my ear to the side of microwave. I held my hand to my ear and heard steps behind me.

"What the hell are you doing Cas." Dean chuckled.

"I was under the influence that in order to watch a movie you had to have 'popcorn' but other then that I'm just doing what the picture shows," I jumped when I heard the first pop followed by more, fast pops. I shot up and my eyes widened. "oh my, thats rather marvelous." I leaned on the counter and bounced on my heels.

"It's just popcorn." Dean laughed again.

The pops slowed and I had to take out so it wouldn't get "burned" as the directions say. I grabbed it by the small flap on the side and put it to the side of the microwave, I heard a small clatter and saw Dean was getting a bowl for the popped corn. I opened the bag and started pouring it into the bowl. A little bundle of popcorn went on on the floor, I dropped the bag into the bowl and bent to grab the infected food to put it in the trash. I didn't see Dean bend down as well, he snatched the three snacks and threw them into his mouth. 

"Oh Dean, come on germs." I whined, "Thats not good Dean."

He laughed and continued chewing, "Ever heard of the 5 second rule?"  _We're really close.._

I felt my face flush and stood back up, finishing the pouring and grabbed the bowl. "C-Come on."

Dean followed behind me into his room, I set the bowl on the dresser and looked at where the mess of blanket's once were. I looked up at Dean's bed to see it was stripped of its blankets and pillows as well, everything was in a neat pile on the floor. All the blanket stacked on top of each other and the two pillows on each side. Dean grabbed the popcorn bowl from the dresser and walked over to his binder of movies.

"Any suggestions?" Dean looked back at me as he was in mid-flip of the page, bent over the desk the binder was placed upon.

I swallowed dryly, "U-Up to you.." My face grew hot again and I shifted from one foot to the other. 

He replied smoothly, "Alright then."

He settled on "Stand by Me" Dean put the dvd into the player and turned on the tv, he shut off the light and settled down on the blanket next to me and put the popcorn bowl between us. "This is a really good movie, I think you'll like it." 

Instead of saying anything I turned to him and nodded.

After about an hour of the movie there was only a few scraps of the popcorn left, earlier I had been really cautious about touching Deans hand in the bowl if we were reaching for the same bundle of popcorn but I had been too sucked in the movie that my hand had already been just laying in the popcorn bowl, Deans hand as well. I hadn't even noticed we'd been holding hands..oh. How do I feel about this. I zoned out.

  _What am I feeling?_

_My heart feels heavy._

_I feel as if this isn't enough but Im too afraid to do anything else.._

_What is this?_

_What do myself and Dean share?_

It became all too much, I wasn't accustomed to this, to him. I looked at Dean, his eyes glued to the screen, hand twitching ever so slightly. My eyes threatened to close, I felt tired.

_No Cas you can't sleep come on, you know what happens..._

_But its fine..Deans here._ My eyes fluttered closed and I drifted off.

_You're just a reject, I regret making you, I never thought of you as my own, Im glad you've fallen._

I gasped and shot up, shoving my head into my hands. "No, no, no, no." I felt tears stream down my face into my palms. 

"Woah Cas, are you okay?!" Dean woke up from my sudden outburst. He gave me a small hug and moved to the front of me, grabbing my wrists.

I froze, a choked sob leaving my body.

I felt Dean's hand slowly push my hands from my face, I slowly looked up to meet his eyes. "Oh Cas.." He shoved my head into his chest and did comforting strokes up and down my back. My hands splayed across his shirtless chest. "You're alright, its okay Cas." Dean soothed me through the cries. I stopped for a second and looked up at him. Our faces were close but right now I didn't care.

"Dean?"

"Yea Cas," Dean stared into my eyes.

"What does love feel like." I felt breathless. 

"It feels like a number of things, like..this."

"Dean, you are well aware of the fact I am going to kiss you right?" I heard his breath hitch.

Dean let out a shuddering sigh, "Oh god yes." 

I looked at him one last time and slowly inched towards him, Dean closed the distance with a stuttered kiss. His lips felt soft and wet and right and beautiful and just..perfect. It was like seeing color for the first time, breathing in a scent you've never smelled, kissing someone you've dreamed of kissing..Dean slowly pushed me back into the make shift mattress and hovered above me. We broke away and looked lovingly in each others eyes, my baby blues in his meadow green. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pushed him down. We eventually switched positions and slept like that.

I woke up the next morning in his warm embrace, Dean was still asleep. I counted the freckles that dusted his face but I always would get distracted but the way his pupils moved underneath his eyelids or the small flutter of his fingers on my hip. My eyes dared to close again but I let them this time.

When we did wake up we found Sam passed out in his room, we didn't know when he got home but now we didn't really care. We made breakfast and waddled back to his room to eat the waffles Dean had made, leaving some left over for Sam. We joined him for lunch and learned Sam had got home a little after we had started the movie, Sam didn't want to interrupt us so he just left the cold medicine on the kitchen table and went to go to sleep.

"You feeling better know Cas?" Sam asked and smirked at Dean.

"Y-Yes, very." Dean squeezed Cas's hand under the table. 


End file.
